So, why do “good” people sometimes do “bad” things?

Even though the words “good” and “bad” are ambiguous and vague, most of us would likely choose which character traits or behaviours fall under each column, regardless of cultural or religious beliefs. It is with this in mind that I will attempt to dig a little deeper.

For example, one might wonder why someone who is typically kind and empathic (“good”) would enter into a relationship with someone outside of her marriage? (“bad”) or why someone who is typically responsible and considerate (“good”) would spend so much time gambling behind his spouses back (“bad”). One might even be more perplexed if the “bad” behaviour is out of character, since the person may typically be seen as “good.”

When one falls from grace and gets involved in an adulterous relationship, for example, or spends time away from their family, gambling, and then gets found out, spouses, children and others who get to know about the behaviour, might be left with a host of emotions, including confusion and anger. They may wonder why the person has changed? They may wonder if they were wrong in thinking that their loved one is considerate and caring?

There are a number of reasons why someone strays or behaves in a way that is uncharacteristic of their “good” qualities. In fact, the “bad” behaviour does not mean that there has been a complete change in character or that they were pretending to be “good” until then.

Let’s consider some of the reasons why someone may, seemingly all of a sudden, do an about turn:

• Sometimes, people find themselves in situations that scare them. A person gets laid off or has to declare bankruptcy, for example, after a deal goes wrong. They find themselves in a situation that calls for desperate measures. Someone may come along and offer them a get rich quick scheme and they pursue it, hoping that they can rectify their wrongs before their family finds out.
• An adult who has always been “good” – and has attempted to remain being seen as such – with their parents, teachers, family and friends, may at times be tempted to be a little “bad”. To become a little oppositional, to step out of line, to say what’s on their mind, even if it’s not what others may want to hear. When this happens, people wonder why. What has caused this change in behaviour? Are they alright? Having a mental breakdown? Going through a midlife crisis? For some, its just wanting to be a bit of a badass. Trying it out for a change. Tired of making everyone happy. Tired of being “good.”
• How about when someone who wants to fit in and feel accepted is led by others to act against their better judgement. This isn’t a good excuse for behaving poorly or being “bad” but contributes to one other reason a “good” person may behave badly.
• An older married person may be going through a difficult time grappling with aging and all of a sudden, someone steps into their life who makes them feel youthful and vital. Someone who pays them lots of attention and becomes a good distraction from their reality. From a distance, one can see how someone might get swept off their feet and find themselves intoxicated by the prospect of something new. So, the typically faithful and honest partner, finds themselves engaged in “bad” behaviour.
• On rare occasions, an extreme or sudden change in behaviour may be indicative of something more serious – something medical such as a side-effects from medication or an infection affecting the brain, neurological such as symptoms of a stroke or certain types of dementia, or a psychiatric concern such as bipolar disorder.

Often, except for the last point which is outside of the person’s control, when the “good” person finds themselves engaged in “bad” behaviour, they feel guilty, afraid of telling their closest family members what’s going on. And so, something that starts out small may snowball and then may crash only when others stumble upon the very uncharacteristic behaviour.

And then, the finders, shocked and angry and disappointed and sad, are also in disbelief that someone they have known for a long time, someone that they thought was kind and “good” and who they trusted with their lives, had gone astray. Had become “bad.”

The reality is that even “good” people do “bad” things from time to time. Of course, if others always believed that they were “bad”, the shock may not be as big. After all, its to be expected, one might say. So “good” people have much further to fall, when they fall from grace.

The bottom-line answer to why “good” people sometimes do “bad” things is that they are human and all of us have times of weakness and vulnerability and straying away from the path we know is “good” and that inner struggles can sometimes lead to actions that seem out of character. Maybe it’s best not to assume that someone who is mostly “good” will never do anything “bad”. But that’s because they are mostly good, they will likely care enough to reflect on their behaviour, to be accountable and to work towards being as “good” as humanly possible – not just to remain in everyone’s good books, but because it makes them feel good too.